HEADLINE: Boy Falls into Monkey Enclosure

At the Big City Zoo, a three year old boy found his way into the monkey enclosure. A crowd quickly gathered as his parents panicked and screamed. A gorilla approached the boy with clear aggression when a monkey in a suit, who park officials say does not reside at the zoo, greeted the gorilla with a bouquet of flowers. Upon accepting, monkeys came from all directions and completely pulverized the larger primate.

Park security shot tranquilizers at the hoard of attack monkeys, but all the darts were intercepted by heart-shaped chocolate boxes, slung by the suit monkey. They all worked together to carry the boy back up out of the enclosure to his parents. The suit monkey didn't leave without throwing just a little bit of poop at the parents for allowing this to happen.