Theodore Relativo, renowned physicist and theorist, fell ill just before the summer of 1955. News of his death troubled the world as it was clear there would scarcely ever be a mind like his again. His contributions to the scientific community were immeasurable and his theories were proved correct consistently following his ‘death’.

Though reports were clear that Theodore had passed, the truth was that he had not. A shadowy world government set in motion a plan to preserve his body until they could find a source of longevity in efforts to harvest from Relativo more knowledge. Their plan was successful, they had found medical solutions to sustain his life, so it was time to wake him.

 

Inside a metal chamber, buried deep within a mountain, Theodore Relativo’s incapacitated body was lying still, bathing in light. This method of preservation kept him exactly as he was the moment he entered. Two men lifted the heavy metal cover and set it to the side. They reached inside and grabbed Theodore’s arms to pull, as he woke slowly.

BUMP

Theodore woke up a couple days later surrounded by scientists and suited government agents, a little dazed. One such agent began to explain what had happened.

“Mr. Relativo, it is an honor. My father and grandfather worked on this project. They made it their life’s work to ensure your survival.” she took a deep breath. “Apologies, our men went to pull you out carelessly and they hit your head on the metal chamber.”

“Thank you for your and your family’s dedication.”

“Of course, sir.”

“I feel…different. It seems I can think so much clearer.”

“I’m not sure how that’s possible. We had to perform surgery on your head to seal it back up. If anything, I’d expect some cognitive decline.”

Theodore paused for a moment to consider some variables before the agent spoke again.

“Anyways, that’s good news. If you’re ready, there is work to be done. A lot has happened since your time.”

“This is my time now.”

“Ah, yes. My mistake.”

 

The two smiled at each other and approached a large room with scientific equipment. A large window viewed down into a particle accelerator, but Theodore was more focused on the glass itself. The scientists around spoke for a while while he studied his own reflection, which was distorted and enlarged. He was asked a question and snapped from his distraction.

“What is your theory, sir?”

“I have grown significantly, to a strange, almost monstrous degree. I believe as well that the contusion I suffered has enhanced my cognition." 

The scientists around looked at each other extremely confused. It was becoming apparent that the truth was quite the opposite, but they noticed something strange. Theodore’s body was growing. He was expanding to look just like his image was distorted in the window. He continued rambling his ‘theory’.

“To truly give you all the knowledge you require, I must maximize the effect of trauma to my brain. By my estimate, ten strong blows to the skull will bring my capabilities to their ceiling.” He slammed his head on a nearby steel beam ten times. The room was in shock. Theodore looked in the mirror again and his hair was wild and distorted by the glass. “It appears as well that my head has shrunk as a result of the damage. Perhaps a side effect of my new brain power.”

Clearly, Theodore was completely wrong, though every ridiculous theory he posed had been proven true. The government agent he spoke to before approached him cautiously, looking to neutralize him by bringing his attention to science.

“Mr. Relativo, please tell us how we can access this other universe.”

“Ah, yes. If we are to visit the other universe, we must first dance.” Theodore grabbed the agent and waltzed for a moment. She placed her hand on her head, frustrated and defeated, believing all her family’s efforts were wasted now. “And we must jump.” They both jumped, Theodore’s size causing a few nearby objects to rattle and break. “And finally, whistle.” Theodore tried to whistle, but was unable to recall how with his faulty brain. The agent, however, was able to follow the instructions.

 

A fiery portal appeared at the agent’s feet and she fell with a surprised look on her face. The scientists and agents in the room came near as the portal closed and then applauded Theodore.

“How did you figure that out?” one of the agents asked.

“Huh?” Theodore replied, genuinely forgetting what just took place.

The government recognized the power of the reborn genius, and planned to use him for much more things, but he had bigger plans. Out of the mountain and off to Big City he went, pursuing a career as an egg-layer. In his new, oafish, moronic, brilliant form, he would be known to all as Theorem.