Rarity: WTF

Who is Duperman?

Emperor Goruz X of Tol, impatient with the sluggish evolution of Mynt’s primitives, decides to intervene with some DIY genetic enhancements. He abducts a boy, Dovvi, and grants him the gift of flight, smugly declaring, “What could possibly go wrong?” Other aliens join the fun, with Queen Channa injecting him with super strength and the Aura giving him laser vision. Each abduction ends with Dovvi’s nonchalant, “Nothing, Dad. Let’s hunt,” as if frequent alien kidnappings were just a minor inconvenience.

Eventually, the Galactic Coalition, realizing their cosmic meddling was a catastrophic failure, decides to wipe out Mynt. Dovvi, now supercharged with alien powers, witnesses the annihilation of his planet, leading him on a rampage through the coalition’s ranks, leaving a trail of goo and broken egos. With dark humor, he quips, “Guess they didn’t see that coming,” as he decimates his foes. Dovvi, now Duperman, drifts to Earth, where he waits in a desert, contemplating his inadvertent role in his planet’s demise. Ever the reluctant hero, he muses, “I’m just waiting for the universe to realize it’s grounded.”

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Duperman

Emperor of the planet Tol, Goruz X, set his sights on the young species upon the previously uninhabitable planet Mynt. Only for a few million years had the icy scent that once permeated the air begun to fade enough for life to form. Bipedal hominids stepped across rocky landscapes and swam oceans, quickly forming tribes, though Goruz X thought the process was too slow.

 

Lurking in the sky above a tribe, the Tol ship lay in wait for someone to leave one of the many tents below. Though the sky was dark, Goruz X spotted a boy seeming to sneak out. He descended rapidly as the boy entered the treeline, abducting him with the ship’s tractor beam. The boy floated up and viewed the ship curiously, laughing slightly, as if tickled, entering a large chamber for experimentation.

“We shall make this species our own. Give him our greatest gift… FLIGHT!”

A button was pressed and energy flowed from a machine into every cell of the boy’s body. The change was immediate and apparent, as he rose from the floor of the ship on his own, grinning with the power he felt.

“Now… go and mate. We’ll see you in a few hundred years when your entire species is flying. This should make you all much more productive.”

It was clear the boy did not speak Tolian, though they felt he got the gist from the smirk on his face.

“There’s no way this could backfire.” Goruz X stated confidently, releasing the boy back to where he was captured.

A concerned father emerged from the tent and comforted his son, but he appeared to be fine. They spoke in a primitive language with hand gestures, “Dovvi, what happened?” 

Dovvi, short for Dovvinilunulonidonocupin, replied, “Nothing, dad. Let’s go hunt.”

His father reluctantly agreed, knowing his son was released from an otherworldly ship.

On the plains, father and son chased plump fruits that rolled off of trees down slopes of sap, then popped onto a different tree. They needed to catch one at the midpoint between two trees, but they were very slippery and the sap only lasted a few moments. Dovvi’s father grabbed a tree and shook, dropping a fruit. Sap formed below and Dovvi followed where it headed, entering the dense forest.

As the two struggled to produce any food, just above, another race interested in the new species on Mynt searched for any of this fascinating life.

Once Dovvi climbed the tree where his fruit was heading, the beings from planet Roppinus spotted their mark. “Get him now, we must alter these primal beasts to be our soldiers. Your plan is foolproof, great Queen Channa.”

Queen Channa nodded at her royal administrator, giving the signal to capture the boy. Three grappling suction cup hooks were flung down and shot at Dovvi. He considered flying away, but then thought how advantageous his first abduction was. He smiled and looked up as he was reeled in.

“Careful not to kill him. Make him as strong as our greatest warrior, no, STRONGER.”

“Genius, milady.”

Needles converged on Dovvi’s neck, injecting him with tons of strange, thick liquids. He just eyeballed all the creatures present. As the needles retracted, Dovvi felt his body growing, his strength increasing.

“Perfect.” the Queen chuckled, signaling Dovvi’s release.

“My son, what happened?”

“Nothing dad. Let’s continue our hunt.”

Dovvi’s father looked up at the ship that was leaving and saw another one coming in. Behind that one, lights as far as his eyes could see. He could tell that his son had changed and that what was happening was greater than himself. Pride filled his body and he chose to ignore the abductions and continue hunting with his son.

Dovvi was carried into the sky by a large leaf. The Yallens aboard the ship believed this genetic modification was their best idea ever, and ironically bestowed upon him their unparalleled intelligence and ability to communicate. This helped him understand the motion of the fruit, but gave him no way to actually grab it.

Next, the Aura, a swarm of beings made of light, gave him power over light itself. He used this ability to shoot from his forehead a laser at the sap track ahead of the rolling fruit, though it formed another and found a tree.

A large, furry beast grabbed Dovvi and jumped straight up into a fuzzy ship. The hideous creatures claimed to grant him undeniable beauty and attraction. He returned to Mynt and recruited nearby hunters to help him and his father.

Two hands flew down and held Dovvi’s hands, though he pushed them off and flew beside them to their ship. They returned to their owners, similar creatures to Dovvi. Spells were cast on him to give him immortality and invincibility. The three beings in charge spoke as one, “We’ll totally never regret this… awesome… bye.” 

Dovvi flew towards the ground and a flash whooshed past him. It then moved upwards, creating a vortex that sucked him up into another ship. Without saying anything, he entered and was removed. He could feel that they definitely did something, and he assumed speed, as they moved so fast that he wasn’t able to perceive their actions. A quick run around Mynt supported his theory.

Dovvi was growing tired after a few more abductions and as the final ship arrived, he flew up to meet them himself. Before the humble people of planet Yogera presented their genetic alteration to him, he refused. They left the planet disappointed. They’d have to wait for another young species to give their gift of humility to, though they did give him a couple of Yogeran capes and a belt with the Yogeran symbol of humility.

A feast of fruit was had. Dovvi gave credit to his father and some other tribesmen as if he was helped, though he caught them all on his own in a different area of the forest, with all his abilities working perfectly in harmony.

Planet Mynt would never know of the foreign attempts to revolutionize them. Dovvi’s father would be the only one ever aware that he was changed. It felt to him unfair that he was granted all of these abilities, when his family wasn’t. 

Many years later, Dovvi’s father had grown old. Dovvi had grown to adulthood and stopped growing altogether. Laying on a soft bed of leaves, in the sky, lights indicated that something was wrong.

A galactic coalition had formed. All the races that intervened in Mynt ended up sitting aboard a council for the betterment of the cosmos. They had decided, quite recently, that their plans had failed. They each confessed that they altered the genetics of a Myntian boy. None of them realized that it was the same boy.

Following the failure, they came to the conclusion that planet Mynt was of no use and should be destroyed. They all agreed, readied their laser, and blasted.

Dovvi held his father as bright light washed over them both. His father held his face, and the hand upon him disintegrated. His usual smile vanished and he floated sadly above a crumbling surface.

“Oh… Oh shit.” calmly announced Emperor Goruz X, watching Dovvi smash through the impenetrable glass of the coalition mothership.

Dovvi flew at full speed through the bulbous chest of the emperor. Goo splattered everywhere in the stadium-like hall where the meeting was held. He eyeballed who was next, ignoring lasers and punching holes in any guards who approached.

Queen Channa hobbled from her chair, clearly aged from when Dovvi last saw her. He flew to the tall creature and put a hand on her head, crushing her down into the floor. Her royal administrator screamed nearby, so Dovvi flashed a half-hearted laser at him, melting him into the metal wall behind.

He smashed and tore apart all the council members until he reached the Aura. They floated arrogantly.

“We cannot be touched. HAHAHA. And he cannot even understand us!”

“Wrong.” Dovvi reached forward and grabbed the largest of the Aura by the ball. “Why?”

“Because we failed… Mynt should have been thriving by now, but our modifications all failed.”

“They didn’t fail. Look at me. I’m proof of your success.”

“Wrong. You were meant to spread this power to your people.”

Dovvi held tight the Aura. A tear fell from his eye as he realized that he himself was the demise of his planet. He looked to his side and crushed the Aura, causing them all to darken. 

He said under his breath to himself, “They didn’t fail… I did.”

The ship was no longer piloted, and thus floated towards the nearby star. Dovvi floated in place and ended up exiting through the hole in the window. He looked down and caught a last sniff of the glorious scent of the remnants of Mynt.

For millennia, he floated and visited many planets. He became known as a protector and a hero through many deeds in the universe. Eventually, he found a planet that had people like his own that seemed like it would one day desperately need him.

Dovvi believed he was, and truly he was, the most powerful being in the universe. Even so,  in the center of a vast desert on Earth, where the locals gave him the name Duperman, he awaited the inevitable cosmic punishment for the downfall of his planet. And he felt it coming.

Relic

Duperman's belt buckle. Texas-sized "D" for all to see.

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Did you know that Duperman flexes till he passes out every Thursday?